To Know How I Feel

To know how I feel
You would have to dig inside my brain, and trust
Me, it’s not the cleanest place to be
Along with the fractured images of nothings and
Nobodies
And the quietness of the crunching leaves
Lies soiled dreams and empty thoughts
Made up glances and love delusions lean.
The loss
Of a smile.
The gain
Of a frown.
The silent music in my life that blares so loud
It fills up my lungs and my vessels and screams salvation;
Haunts my sleep with chuckling ghosts
With the taste of bitter victory on my tongue;
And sweet, sweet pollen dust
Coating walls of images that come to my mind whenever I regret
Or think or remember.
I remember.
I always will.
You won’t be able to use a shovel.
You won’t be able to use a rake.
It’s silent within.
It screams within.
Ultimately, it will kill me within.
Ultimately, it will resurrect me within.