Sometimes I just lay here and watch the shadows move across the walls.

My Body's Response to Failure

Inspiration seeps out of my pores onto my skin and into my clothes.
Perception of the word drips down my back into my waistband.
Interception of critism becomes my beta blocker, only absorbs praise.
Serration of the words uttered becomes suddenly music to my ears.
Implantation of ideas is the air I breathe, the breeze I feel.

you can't bring me down. I am surrounded by the win. I am consumed by my want.

I am defined by myself.

"Cheap wine and cigarettes/ this place is always such a mess/ sometimes I think I'd like to sit and watch it burn."

no Fucks to give

Living without caring what everyone thinks is so freeing to the body. you smile when you want, ignore those who annoy you, and be selfish for a while. while giving no fucks, you are driven towards your goal of being the best you can be. Not caring about it all does not mean you dont care about humans, you just dont care if you are being judged for your actions or your goals, and it makes you a supremly happier person.

It is because i gave all the fucks i could last year. I ran out, and while i was giving them out, I was in extreme pain. now, when I have none left, I feel freed. the new fucks I acquire, I can keep them to myself selfishly... to live for myself. no more fucks to give to the public.

Forever Lonely... lol

That awkward moment you're always the third wheel. I mean, tricycles are cool when all the wheels work together, but after a while, the front wheel realized the two back are pretty close, and you're as shunned as the big girl in Dreamgirls lol

Winter Break

Curls of no return: getting two piercings in painful spots just to feel it and show it off.

Curls of no return: leaving break a week early to go west and present a scene design.

Curls of no return: feeling my heart break a little more at each goodbye.

Keeping calm.

keeping calm. Coffee on. Thread the needle. Tell the story.

If I Hit You With My Car

If I had hit you with my car a coupe of years ago, I think I would hae stopped the car in shock, thought about it, shrugged, and backed over you again. Double tap.

when I get Worried

When I get worried I make a huge deal out of something that isnt important and I dont say anything at all to what is actually a huge deal to me.

Some mysteries in the brain of a woman I will never understand. I am not immune.

Further Down

Because I said what I said, I am even more unhappy than i thought it would be. I need to take things one step at a time. I'm so alone.