What is My Life?

Procrastination is abolished.
Money slips from my fingers because I can't reign it in.
I am getting tougher.
I am losing my voice.
I am getting good grades... somehow...
I am not getting any sleep.
Everything I thought in my life was good, is not,
and everything i thought was bad is turning to be good.

What is my life?!

Looking Back

Ever recollect on the days you hid in your room, debating whether or not to eat? Debating whether or not to start your day at all? Debating whether to keep on living, or desist?
My mind is a pond. These damn thoughts, like fish, like to travel around it, and if they get too close to the shore, i remember. if the Koi fish in my brain merely brushes against the seaweed, i remember those dark days when I didn't know who I was. I remember flashes of this time. i cannot fully recollect it all, because i don't think I was actually awake for most of last year.
I remember darkness. I remember a lot of shadows. I remember vices. I definitely remember the pain, both emotionally, physically and mentally. How painful that was.

But I am slowly starving my Koi memories. They are slowly dying off, as I lose these memories scale by scale. it is sad to see such beautiful creatures leave me, but it is for the best. i refuse to be a disaster again.

Questioning my aim

I want to act. I want to design.
I want to bake. I want to paint.
I want to write. I want to own.

I want to scream.
I want it all.